Flash Fiction

The Twelve Days of Trump Christmas – The Final Verse


(with exculpatory comments provided by President Donald J. Trump)

musical_note  On the twelfth day of Christmas, my country gave to me, sixty-three million votes which should have been a majority… musical_note

[They’ve got people voting that shouldn’t be voting. They vote many times, not just twice, not just three times. It’s like a circle. They come back, they put a new hat on, a new shirt on. It’s a rigged deal.]

musical_note   On the eleventh day of Christmas, Kim Jong Un gave to me, a promise of nuclear neutrality…   musical_note

[Some people say, ‘Oh, you shouldn’t like him’. Why shouldn’t I like him? I like him. We get along great. We’ll see what happens.]

musical_note  On the tenth day of Christmas, China will give to me, the trade deal that provides us reciprocity…   musical_note

[We’re close, very close on a deal. And if not, I’ll raise the tariffs. Tariffs are the greatest. If they charge us fifty percent, we’ll charge them fifty percent.]

musical_note  On the ninth day of Christmas, Mexico will give to me, a big beautiful wall that keeps out illegals, I guarantee…  musical_note

[And Mexico will pay for it.]

musical_note  On the eighth day of Christmas, the courts will give to me, Hillary finally sentenced to the penitentiary…  musical_note

[We’ll find her server and those deleted emails somewhere in the Ukraine, and it will blow your mind. #LOCK_HER_UP]

musical_note  On the seventh day of Christmas, you finally understand that I’m not really a bully…  musical_note

[I’m just brutally honest. I tell it like it is. If you can’t handle it, leave the country. Go back to where you came from.]

musical_note  On the sixth day of Christmas, Russia gave to me, their assurance they pose no threat to our national security…  musical_note

[I believe Putin when he says they didn’t meddle. My intelligence guys are just being naïve. NO MEDDLING! NO COLLUSION! NO PEE-PEE TAPE!]

musical_note  Five Gol-den Rings… musical_note

[I do love my gold. Bigly!]

musical_note  Four Call Girls… musical_note

[Some say more. Some say less. I don’t know. You tell me. I’m sure they’re all fine people, but it never happened. FAKE NEWS!]

musical_note  Three Felt Pens… musical_note

[Or one big black Sharpie. Better to adjust those badly drawn weather maps. NO CLIMATE CHANGE!]

musical_note  Two Ex-Wives… musical_note


musical_note  And an impeachment hearing in the Senate that will definitely NOT end my presidency. musical_note

[I should be King. King Donald. Yeah, that sounds huuuge.]


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