Thinking Twice · Writing

I Have a Female Admirer – Part 2

My reply to Jane, my first female admirer (see http://wp.me/p28P7h-5e), went unanswered, but I did get an email from another admirer, probably a good friend whom Jane must have felt would make a better connection with me. Here’s her email:

HELLO HANSOME,

good morning. my name Is jenneth watson am a native of united state of america, am 33 year old am from Am from Alabama rainbow city height 5’3″ and my weight is 100lbs, i work as a nanny care and i have up to like 7 kids am taking care of, i love being around kids and i hope to have mine very soon with the right guy…..i love going out with my friends and sometimes my family or my boyfriend, i love reading novels and cooking..i can use a day staying in the kitchen cooking!!!!i know you will be saying inside of you that am too young to date an older person? but i’ll tell you that age is just a number, have dated my mate and they’ve all jilted me and now i don’t want that to happen again and that was the reason why a friend of mine told me about you and am looking forward to meeting you my friend, please can you tell me more about yourself my friend? kisses and hugs………….Jenneth

And, as I have not yet made a commitment to Jane, I gladly responded.

Dearest Jenneth,

Well, and a good morning to you, too. I can only assume you received my contact information from your close friend, Jane. She’s a lovely girl, although very much in need of remedial English instruction. I have a feeling you both had the same teacher because you are also exhibiting major issues with your writing. Before we get into more meaty details about our possible future, I think I might be able to offer some suggestions as I did with Jane.

First, apply a liberal dose of spellchecker. Starting off with HANSOME instead of HANDSOME, although quite appealing to the old ego here, it’s not spelled correctly which takes away from the charm factor.

Next, use correct capitalization (Jane has the same problem). Watch the beginning of your sentences and don’t ignore words within a sentence, for example, the old USA — so it shall be spelled out as such — and, by the way, there is more than one of them. You should know that. You’re from here. In fact, I see it’s Rainbow City, Alabama. Notice how I put it in the correct order – city, then state. I recommend you do the same.

Jane had a problem with run-on sentences. I think you’ve overcompensated with too many commas. Periods are your friend — unless, of course, it’s that time of the month, then, so I’ve heard (and experienced second-hand), maybe not so much. And do a little self-editing – you write “am 33 year old am from Am from Alabama”. You should catch that with a quick read through unless you’re referring to some country tune that I’m not aware of. (Not a big country music fan here, sorry. Hope that doesn’t work against me.)

I could continue with more detailed line editing, but I bet you get the idea and will take a closer look at things on your own. Plus, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me. I’m really not as anal-retentive in person, but when we do finally meet, I really look forward to showing you my shot glass collection.

I always want to leave on a high note so I’d like to compliment you on the fact that you didn’t bring up the issue of money (although you did bring up age which is kind of a bummer). It’s so refreshing these days to start off a relationship without finances hanging over our heads. Jane brought that up and it really ebbed my flow. Men and women have so much trouble really connecting these days without such things brought into the equation. Good job!

One last thing. I see that you’re from Alabama. Me too! That’s a great first step, having something in common. But, of course, my optimism may be short-lived depending on how you answer the following question, an answer to which has steered many relationships off course in our state for years. You must answer this, and correctly so, if our relationship is to go to the next level.

Auburn or Alabama?

Kisses and Hugs back,

Darrah

She replied within the hour. I’ll let you know how it went in my next post.

Until next time
Don’t Look Down

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